Dear readers,
My reputation up to last year was flawless I was the perfect kid they expected, even if all of you know I'm not and that I'm broken inside. But of everything weather, to the rest of the people in my life, I look like the perfect honor student or not is important. I don't understand why but I just can't let them see me for who I am not the broken disgraceful kid I've been lately. my honor is scared and my reputation is not far behind. I have nothing to work for and very soon I may not have anyone to love to live for, and my soul will go dark and then nothing will matter I'll just go on living. Lonely, cold hearted, and empty inside.
-- Akira Kazuma
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Why does it seem like nothing is good enough and why must I be alone
Dear readers,
I'm starting to wonder what I want from the world now. I meet a boy on November 27, 2017 and he's a lot like me. I wanted to be his friend at first but then only five days later he said he loved me. I told him about my past, my secrets, everything and then only a month or so after breaking up with a boy who didn't know how he felt... I found myself falling in love with this other boy. His name is AJ and at first it was like ok um if you want to. Now it's.... I find myself wanting to talk to him all the time but my stepfather doesn't want him around me.
I don't feel like doing anything, lately I've been so tired. I just want to sleep and I want everything else t go away. I'm top of my class A-B honor role student my PSAT scores are high enough Collages are noticing me.... A small town girl in a charter school and I'm beyond happy about it but I can't truly be happy about much right now. My stepfather is always saying school comes first and for so long I was alone because of that and now that I have achieved that... he just tares me down says it's not good enough that this boy being AJ is a bad influence but he doesn't even know him. Everything I've worked so hard to do just to hear him say I'm proud of you and it's not good enough.
I've become emotionally drained, physically I was already weak, and mentally.... mentally I'm just done. None of anything I've done is right because of my loneliness because I want friends and love and to see the world. I want to feel like I have a place in society that I don't have to be alone anymore. But I guess that's not meant to be.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm only a second year in High School yet everyone expects so much from me. What about what I want? Doesn't what I want matter? Can't everything I've done be enough for now? Can't I just be me for a little bit longer before I have to grow up completely? That's all I want is to know it's enough for now, to see the one I love, and to know I'm not alone. I know none of you out there can do that for me but some of you should understand. Understand the way I feel at least....
Until next time everyone,
Akira
I'm starting to wonder what I want from the world now. I meet a boy on November 27, 2017 and he's a lot like me. I wanted to be his friend at first but then only five days later he said he loved me. I told him about my past, my secrets, everything and then only a month or so after breaking up with a boy who didn't know how he felt... I found myself falling in love with this other boy. His name is AJ and at first it was like ok um if you want to. Now it's.... I find myself wanting to talk to him all the time but my stepfather doesn't want him around me.
I don't feel like doing anything, lately I've been so tired. I just want to sleep and I want everything else t go away. I'm top of my class A-B honor role student my PSAT scores are high enough Collages are noticing me.... A small town girl in a charter school and I'm beyond happy about it but I can't truly be happy about much right now. My stepfather is always saying school comes first and for so long I was alone because of that and now that I have achieved that... he just tares me down says it's not good enough that this boy being AJ is a bad influence but he doesn't even know him. Everything I've worked so hard to do just to hear him say I'm proud of you and it's not good enough.
I've become emotionally drained, physically I was already weak, and mentally.... mentally I'm just done. None of anything I've done is right because of my loneliness because I want friends and love and to see the world. I want to feel like I have a place in society that I don't have to be alone anymore. But I guess that's not meant to be.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm only a second year in High School yet everyone expects so much from me. What about what I want? Doesn't what I want matter? Can't everything I've done be enough for now? Can't I just be me for a little bit longer before I have to grow up completely? That's all I want is to know it's enough for now, to see the one I love, and to know I'm not alone. I know none of you out there can do that for me but some of you should understand. Understand the way I feel at least....
Until next time everyone,
Akira
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
I just have to let this out.
Dear readers,
Hi you may know me as Aki from some of my other blogs. I haven't been posting a lot recently and when I say that I mean I haven't been on in a year maybe even a year and a half. Well I'm sure you all don't care what my reality really is I didn't make this blog just to satisfy the reader I made this one in particular for my own well being. Like many of all your lives mine isn't perfect in fact my life since 2017 started has been anything but perfect. You see I've done some things that have altered m relationship with my family to the point were as odd as it may seem my step father doesn't want me around. I of course know that he has every right to be mad at me but in turn I myself am already facing the punishment for it and I will have to for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds stupid but it's all true. I don't have many people too talk to so I don't talk to anyone, but instead I talk to well the people like you who read these blogs for whatever reason. I don't have a great life like everyone else and as I've said on my other blogs if you don't like what I type then you don't have to read it if you don't want to. That's really all for today.
Until next time everyone,
Akira
Hi you may know me as Aki from some of my other blogs. I haven't been posting a lot recently and when I say that I mean I haven't been on in a year maybe even a year and a half. Well I'm sure you all don't care what my reality really is I didn't make this blog just to satisfy the reader I made this one in particular for my own well being. Like many of all your lives mine isn't perfect in fact my life since 2017 started has been anything but perfect. You see I've done some things that have altered m relationship with my family to the point were as odd as it may seem my step father doesn't want me around. I of course know that he has every right to be mad at me but in turn I myself am already facing the punishment for it and I will have to for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds stupid but it's all true. I don't have many people too talk to so I don't talk to anyone, but instead I talk to well the people like you who read these blogs for whatever reason. I don't have a great life like everyone else and as I've said on my other blogs if you don't like what I type then you don't have to read it if you don't want to. That's really all for today.
Until next time everyone,
Akira
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